Homesick
by IchBinAufKurs
Summary: It's cold outside. Roxanne left him and he wants to get her back, but maybe it's too late. #R&R
1. Melancholy

**You only love once.**

* * *

><p>The streets were damp and cold. It was getting dark, and with the weather being what it was, there weren't any people around. He would occasionally see the lights of cars as they passed by, but other than that, he was completely alone. He sighed, watching his breath as it condensed in the air. If the weather cast was right, it would start snowing any minute now.<p>

He looked down at his phone and scrolled down until he found her number. He stared at the picture he'd saved under her name. It reminded him of how in love they used to be. He thought back to the time he tried to impress her by impersonating Powerline. He recalled the kiss that she gave him when he stopped by her house. He remembered how happy he felt when she first told him she loved him. But all that was gone now.

He neared his finger to dial her number, but hesitated. He thought back to the last words they'd spoken and thought maybe she didn't want to see him again.

He looked over to the nearby coffee shop where they'd often meet. It was there that she'd told him she wanted a little Max. Hearing that showed a new level of commitment. One that they were unsure of before. But once those words were spoken, it wouldn't be long until they moved in together and started a family. They talked about baby names, and how they'd try to make their son's childhood the best one. But before they ever got the chance to do that, she'd moved on.

And as he stood there, he tried to get mad at her, to hate her, but he couldn't. He couldn't even remember what they fought about. She was his first and only love. Knowing the kind of love he felt for her, he wondered if she'd ever loved him at all.

As the cold numbed him out, he built up the courage to press the button and call her. He brought up the phone to his ears and listened to the dial tone. He was losing confidence with each ring. Just when he was about to hang up, he heard her voice calling his name.

"Max?"

He stood there quietly. His mind went blank. Hearing her voice made him feel empty. After a short pause, he could only manage a, "Hey, Roxy." There was another short pause, but he broke it by asking, "How are you doing?"

"I'm good. I just got home from work."

He could hear a voice in the background, so he asked, "Is that him?"

"Yeah."

The way she'd answered his question sounded like she didn't like being with him anymore, so he asked, "How do you feel about him?"

"I don't know." She sighed. "We get by. I love him. I'm happy." She said.

She could just be tired, but she could also be lying, so he said, "Listen, I know I messed up. But you seemed-"

He heard another voice over the phone calling, "Mom?"

Had it really been that long since they'd broken up? Not only had she moved on, but she had a child already?

"Hang on." She said, taking a couple of seconds to herself and then asked, "What were you saying?"

Max clung to the phone's cord as he said, "I miss you."

"Max," She sighed.

"I'm performing at the karaoke night later if you wanna come." He said quietly. "The one near the coffee shop."

"Which one?"

Max hesitated, but said, "Where we had our first kiss."

"I can't right now, but we should see each other soon." She said enthusiastically. "I want to catch up with you, Max."

"It's okay. I understand."

"Bye, Max."

"Bye."

As he hung up the phone, standing there, he felt how empty his life was.

His passion for living had stayed with her. Nothing made sense anymore. She was the only thing he cared about and now that she was gone, things were only gonna get worse. The worst part was having hope that she'd eventually come back to him.

As he got back to reality he realized it had become night. The street lights had turned on, lighting his way to the bar. He didn't feel like attending karaoke night anymore, but he'd told the manager he was gonna be there, so he felt like he had to.

Walking through those doors felt unreal. He felt really stupid as he walked on stage. He regretted setting foot in that place after being turned down. To make things worse, he had chosen a happy song in case she actually accepted to come with him. He was the type of person that would rather live knowing that he disappointed someone than knowing he made a fool of himself. So he tried to keep it short.

Once on stage he said, "My name is Max and I'm gonna be doing a cover of Copeland's 'Brightest'."

The lights dimmed and the music started to play as he began to sing,

_If you find yourself here on my side of town_  
><em>I'd pray that you'd come to my door<em>  
><em>And talk to me like you don't know what we ever fought about<em>  
><em>Cause I don't remember anymore<em>  
><em>I just know that she warms my heart<em>  
><em>And knows what all my imperfections are<em>  
><em>And she said that I was the brightest little firefly in her jar<em>

His eyes filled with tears as the words he sang reminded him of how he used to feel and what he so desperately longed for. The song took on a sadder tone as his voice cracked throughout the song, showing the longing he felt inside.

_And I just know that she warms my heart_  
><em>And knows what all my imperfections are<em> _  
>And she said that I was the brightest little firefly in her jar<em>

He received a positive response from the crowd, who seemed to understand his situation.

He quickly got off stage and went to the bar. A couple of guys offered to buy him a drink, which he turned down.

He sat there for a moment before hearing a very familiar voice saying, "Hey, Max."

Max turned around and saw an old friend. "Oh, hey PJ." he said.

"Max, you look like shit. What happened?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

They sat there quietly for a moment when Max finally said, "PJ, can I stay over at your place?" PJ's face filled with worry, so Max explained, "I got fired from The House of Mouse and I haven't been able to pay rent."

"Is that why she-" PJ stopped himself half way through his question.

"I don't know. It could've been something else."

"It's gonna be okay, Max; you just need to find a good person."

Max turned to him. He recalled all the good times they'd had as kids and how much they cared for each other. With all the mixed emotions he felt at the time, he leaned in and kissed him.

When he pulled away, Max realized how wrong that was, so he said, "I'm sorry."

He got up and left the bar. The unrealness of the situation followed him all the way up to his car. And as he drove, he thought of places he could go to spend the night and the only logical place he could think of was his father's.

He thought back to his childhood and realized he'd had a perfect one. He would've wanted his son to have the same childhood. After all those years of trying to be different, he now realized he wanted to be like his father. He felt regret for the things he'd put him through, all the things he'd told him. He felt like a failure.

As he saw his house from a distance, he was flooded with memories of the good times they'd shared and the good memories seemed to overshadow the bad.

He got off the car and simply gazed at the place he'd spent so much time of his life. The mailbox and the fence were still the same.

As he neared the front door, he rang the door bell. He still wasn't sure what he was gonna tell his dad or if he was gonna tell him anything at all.

He heard movement on the other side before his father opened the door. And when he did, the look on his face was as if he was seeing the same Max he was when he was younger, welcoming him in the same manner.

Max gave him a long, warm hug.

They talked about small things, almost as if he had never left.

Goofy told him that it was late and that he better get some sleep. And that when he woke up, he'd make him some hot cocoa.

Max smiled as he agreed. He headed up to his room after saying goodnight.

He walked into his room. And much to his surprise, it was exactly as he'd left it when he left for college.

Tears filled his eyes and he started to cry.


	2. Quaint Remorse

**Ataraxia**

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><p>He was sitting in a corner as to not attract attention to himself. Since he was supposed to be meeting Roxanne there, he hadn't ordered anything. It had been a while since he got there, so he tried to play it off by looking distant on his phone.<p>

The phone was lying flat on the table as he browsed through old pictures of him and Roxanne. He stared deeply at a picture. He could remember everything about that day; the weather and how he felt were so similar to that of the picture that he could almost feel himself regress to that specific moment in time.

It was almost unreal as he zoned back to the present. It left him wondering how much time had passed since he got there, so he looked at the time and saw that it was half past two. She was running late. '_Maybe she's not coming at all.'_, he thought. _'Maybe she just said that to shut me up.' _He pondered that thought for a while and shook his head. Not only was it her idea to meet up, but she also sounded enthusiastic about it.

He went back to that moment. Her calm, soothing voice saying _'I miss you, Max.' _He found honesty in those words, but then again, maybe that enthusiasm was faked. He didn't know what to believe anymore. And just as he turned to glance at the door, with thoughts of just leaving, who should it be but her.

He became nervous. He wasn't ready to see her yet. He hadn't figured out how to say what he wanted to say. And just as he stood up to greet her, he noticed she had someone else with her. It was the kid he heard over the phone when he was talking to her the other day. Now that they weren't going to be alone, he wasn't sure if he'd feel comfortable saying all the things he wanted to say.

But once he got a closer look the little boy, it was as if he were looking at himself through a time machine. His face, his ears, his fur... even his clothes were reminiscent of a time in his past, a moment suspended in time.

"He looks just like his daddy." She said as they met him near his booth.

Max was too taken aback to say anything. He simply crouched down to look at his son at eye-level. He watched as the boy hid behind his mother's leg, completely unaware that the man in front of him was his father.

"Hey, buddy. What's your name?" Max asked enthusiastically.

The boy was a little distant, but he replied, "Jake."

"Jake?" He asked, recalling that being one of the names he & Roxanne mentioned when they talked about boy names. He smiled and said, "Well, you know what, Jake? That's my favorite name."

The boy peeked out from his hiding place and curiously asked, "Really?"

Max nodded and asked, "How old are you, Jake?"

"Three." He said a little more enthusiastically as he held up three fingers.

"Three? Wow, you're pretty tall for a thee year old." Max said cheerfully. "Your fur looks pretty sleek too. You must really take care of it." Max smiled before asking, "Can I touch it?"

The boy looked up at his mom, showing a little doubt, which she removed by saying it was okay, Max chuckled and encouraged him by saying, "I won't bite."

The boy approached him cautiously, to which Max responded with a lighthearted gesture. He simply ran a hand through his son's ears, arms, and legs, playfully inspecting his fur.

Jake smiled at the strange and unusual attention he was receiving.

"Yeah, your fur is pretty soft alright." Max said as he moved on to inspect his son's stomach.

Startled, the boy shuddered as he felt a hand underneath his hoodie.

Max smiled playfully and asked, "You're not ticklish, are you?"

Jake cracked a smile and began laughing uncontrollably as his father tickled him. "Stop!" He yelled as his laughter intensified.

Max continued for a while, but knew better and stopped before it got annoying and said, "I'll stop, but you must answer a question correctly."

Jake calmed down as the tickling stopped and curiously asked, "What?"

Max hadn't thought of a question yet, but as he took a closer look at his son's shirt and recognized the logo, he immediately thought of one and asked, "What's the name of the hero in The Legend of Zelda?"

Jake thought about it for a couple of seconds and then quickly answered "Link!"

"That is. . ." Max said, pausing for dramatic effect, "correct!" he said as he lifted Jake, giving him a spin before putting him down and saying, "Well, Jake. You're the most awesome three year old I know." He smiled adding, "Some people would've said Zelda was the hero."

"Noooo." Jake said quietly, "Zelda is the princess."

"You're right, Jake." Max smiled, he sighed and said, "Oh, Jake. You're cute and cuddly, you're smart, you don't say much, so you must have a lot of things going on in that head of yours."

Jake simply smiled, not knowing how to take the compliment.

"You must be the most popular guy in school, huh?" Max asked as he ruffled Jake's hair playfully.

Jake chuckled with a big smile spreading across his face. Max's friendly behavior calmed him down. Any previous sign of distress was now gone.

The smile died down as he stared blankly at something across the room. He stood still for a couple of seconds and then excitedly turned to his mother and asked, "Mom, mom! Can I go play?"

Both she and Max turned to the other side of the room, seeing an arcade area near the back.

She nodded.

Just as he was about to leave, Max called, "Jake?"

The boy turned towards him.

"Can I get a hug?" Max extended his arms for his son, which soon ran into them.

He felt his tiny arms around him as he hugged him back. He was a reminder of a time in his past he could never get back, an embodied vision of his ideal son. It was almost too good to be true.

Just as Jake ended the hug, he sneezed.

Max smiled as he lifted the hood of Jake's hoodie and said, "It's getting pretty cold. You should keep your hoodie on if you don't wanna get sick."

Just as Jake turned away he heard Max call him one more time.

"Look, here's some quarters so you can play." Max said as he reached into his pocket and handed them to him.

"He's awesome!" Jake said as he smiled up at his mom.

Watching him run towards the arcade machine was one of the cutest things he'd ever seen.

"I think of you every time I see him." She said.

Max turned to her and said, "You've raised him pretty well. I wouldn't've asked for permission, I would've just gone to play." He joked.

Roxanne simply sat there silently.

"Sorry." Max said as he caught on and sat down on the other side of the table.

"I didn't know you were so good with kids." She said.

Max didn't know what to say to that. He didn't know either. He sat there silently, but then asked, "Why didn't you te-"

"I knew you'd want to get involved, but I needed to think about what was best for Jake." She interrupted.

As he came to the realization that money was the reason, he simply said, "I just wish I could've been there." He heard no reply from Roxanne, so he changed the subject. "I missed three years." He said, "Even though it was only three years, those years were crucial." He then remembered a conversation he and Roxanne often argued about.

"He's not circumcised, is he?" Max asked worryingly.

"Well, my fiance was really persistent." Roxanne began. "My fiance is circumcised, so naturally, he wanted Jake to be circumcised."

"Oh, no. I can't hear this." Max said as he covered his ears.

"But," she added, "there's no way I was gonna let that happen. Knowing what I know." She said as she took Max's hand. "Thanks to you."

"Was it hard convincing him not to?"

"Well, I found that keeping my emotions out of it and simply stating facts really helped. It's hard to argue against facts like the foreskin having over 20,000 nerve endings, making it the most sensitive part of the penis, and its gliding motion increasing sexual pleasure for both partners. The foreskin also protects the urethra from contaminants while keeping the head sensitive, moist, clean, and healthy."

"What arguments did he use for his case?"

"Well, he said that if Jake was circumcised, he'd be easier to clean, but I did my research and it turns out that the foreskin is actually fused to the head of the penis and it detaches later on during adolescence. So, no care is needed until then. He also said that it would be more painful to do it as an adult. But I felt like doing it as an infant would go against his freedom of choice. And contrary to popular belief, it's actually easier to be circumcised as an adult. Since the foreskin has naturally separated from the head and is retractable it doesn't have to be forcibly detached from the head, and since you're older you can be given proper anesthesia and pain relief afterward. If that isn't enough, the wound would not be exposed to urine or feces and it would not interfere with his human rights or personal choice."

"Wow, you're really informed on this topic, aren't you?"

"Well, when you love someone you want to protect them, so I've been reading a lot of parenting magazines, which brings me to my other point." She said, pausing for a second. "Studies show that children should be around their fathers as much as their mothers."

Max noticed a slight pause that gave away her discomfort; he knew this was serious.

Roxanne looked away and said, "It's only a matter of time before he leaves me. Ever since we started arguing about Jake, he hasn't really shown any interest in him or me. And.." She sighed, "I think he's cheating on me, but what really worries me is that Jake needs a male role model, so I figured.. who better to be there than his own father, right?"

All this information only confused Max more, so he asked, "What are you saying?"

"I know it's a big thing to ask, but I want you to move in with me. You can take care of Jake while I'm at work and you guys can spend some real quality time together."

"What about your fiance? Won't he be angry?"

"You can come in as a friend who will be staying over in exchange for taking care of Jake and we'll go from there."

"What about Jake? Would he be okay with this?"

"He likes you already." She said.

Max turned to look at him. He was playing the claw game as he tried to get a toy.

"Do you still love me, Max?" She asked.

Max smiled and said, "As sure as the earth is blue like an orange."

They were interrupted by Jake as he ran over to them to show off his new toy.

* * *

><p>Max knew he could never be as cool a parent as his father, but it sure gave him something to aim for.<p> 


End file.
